How to Achieve Your Goals with 100% Success Every Time

How to Achieve Your Goals with 100% Success Every Time
by Dr. Alan Zimmerman

In the movie, "A League of Their Own," the baseball coach talked to his dispirited team, saying, "Of course it's hard. If it wasn't hard, everybody would do it!"

That's the way it is with success. It can be hard. But there are four sure-fire ways to achieve success at almost anything every time without failure.

4 Ways to Achieve Your Goals & Succeed Every Time Without Failure:

1. Work hard.

There's no substitute for hard work. Simply put, there "ain't no free lunch."
When I look at highly successful people, I think, "It's no wonder they're doing so well. Look at everything they're doing."

Could the same thing be said about you? If someone were to follow you around for a week and painstakingly record everything you did to advance your career, would that person walk away with a long list of all the things you're doing to get ahead? Or would that person have a long list of the excuses you gave and the time you wasted?
Sometimes people fool themselves into thinking they're putting out a 100% effort ... when in reality, they're not. For example, many people are out of work these days, and I've often heard them say, "I sent out 100 resumes, and I didn't get any response. I did everything I could."

One hundred percent effort means that you've exhausted every possible opportunity for reaching your goal. If you're looking for a job, 100 percent effort would include researching individual companies you want to work for, sending these companies personalized letters, calling to follow up, calling other people in the industry, and networking.
One hundred percent effort means telling a potential boss, "I'm sure you've got a lot of applicants here. But I believe so strongly in my ability to meet your needs, I'll work for you for 30 days with no pay. Let me prove to you my ability. In 30 days, evaluate my performance. If it's not up to par, let me go. But when I prove myself to you, I expect to be given the job and paid for the 30 days of work."

Now that's putting in 100% effort! And that's what you need to do to succeed in any area of life ... because success is more often the result of hard work than the result of talent.

2. Practice endurance.

To many people, "endurance" is a nasty word. They would like to come by success the "easy" way. They want it to fall into their laps.

But that's an extremely rare occurrence. 99.99% of the time, success comes AFTER you "endure" awhile. And all the greats in every field of endeavor have learned how to "endure."

As professional tennis player Bjorn Borg noted, "My greatest point is my persistence. I never give up in a match. However down I am, I fight until the last ball. My list of matches shows that I have turned a great many so-called irretrievable defeats into victories."

Could the same be said of you?

Or do people ... secretly behind your back ... say you bail out when things get a little tough? Do they say you give up way too easily or throw in the towel too quickly? Do they point out the fact that you seldom finish what you start?

If you answer "yes" to any of these latter questions, remember the words of John Quincy Adams. He noted, "Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish." In other words, there's power in perseverance.

3. Keep on believing.

Believe in yourself. Believe in a power bigger than yourself. Believe in success. And believe you can be successful.

That's what Lee Iacocca, the former chairman of the Chrysler Corporation did. When the world told him to let his debt-ridden company die, Iacocca refused. He didn't wait for the economy to change or for a government bailout to rescue him.

Iacocca kept believing in himself, in his company, in his products, and in his workers. He pronounced, "So what do we do? Anything -- something. So long as we don't just sit there. If we screw it up, start over. Try something else. If we wait until we've satisfied all the uncertainties, it may be too late."

4. Stay committed.

Everything else being equal, commitment wins every time. So fight back any feelings of discouragement that might get in your way. Don't allow yourself to hang it up when things get rough.
If you're going to be successful, you've got to remember the letters M.I.H. It stands for... Make It Happen.
As you pursue your goals, as you strive towards excellence and success, follow these four points and you're sure to win. After all, most people don't fail. They just give up.

About Dr. Alan Zimmerman
As a best-selling author and Hall of Fame professional speaker, Dr. Alan Zimmerman has helped more than one million people in 48 states and 22 countries become positive employees. Sign up now for his free ezine filled with hundreds of motivation, communication, and teamwork secrets at http://www.drzimmerman.com/tuesdaytip.htm and get a bonus 48-page E-Book, containing Dr. Zimmerman’s most powerful, most requested tips.

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How to Build Trust & Develop Relationships with Clients and Employees That Last a Lifetime

How to Build Trust & Develop Relationships with Clients and Employees That Last a Lifetime

by Dr. Alan Zimmerman

When it comes to customer loyalty, nothing is more important than the trust you develop with your customers. Research from Texas A & M University says if customers see you as being trustworthy and reliable ... and if customers see you fulfilling your promises ... then they will become enthusiastic customers for life.

The same is true with your co-workers. If your employees see you telling the truth, even when it's not easy or comfortable to do so then you'll build an incredible bond of trust with them. And with that bond of trust will come more cooperation and motivation.

The lesson is clear. If you want your customers to remain loyal, you must earn and keep their trust. If you want a stronger team at work, you have to build a foundation of trust.

So trust is your ultimate competitive advantage.

Now, how do you build or re-build trust?

4 Ways to Build Trust, Gain Loyalty & Retain Employees and Customers for Life

1. Assume the best about your employees and customers

When something goes wrong, or when the other person disappoints you, start by assuming the best. Don't immediately jump into the fray, pound your desk, froth at the mouth, and demand to know why your employees or customers did something so stupid.

Instead, honor the other person. Rather than focus on WHO's to blame for what went wrong, focus on

WHAT can be done about it. That takes the focus off the past and off the other person. It puts the focus onto the future where the two of you can work together.

Besides, if you jump in too quickly, blaming someone for what happened, you'll often embarrass yourself. You may find out that you're really the one to blame for the problem that occurred.

2. Stick up for your customers or employees when they're in the right

You build trust when you speak out on someone's behalf, especially when it's not politically popular or interpersonally comfortable. Martin Luther King, Jr. said, "In the end we will not remember the words of our enemies but the silence of our friends."

I'll never forget the time I chaired the task force of a charitable organization. Over a period of time, it came to my attention that the organization had misused funds on several occasions. My task force members urged me to confront the Board and document my findings. They would be there to back me up.

I did that, but not one of the task force members backed me up when the top leaders lashed out in defense and aggression. If nothing else, I learned that Dr. King was right. It was the silence of my "friends" that I remember the most today.

3. Refuse to gossip

There's something very alluring, and maybe even a little satisfying, about sharing a negative tidbit. It may make you feel a bit superior, but you've got to fight the urge to add to the gossip and the people bashing that may go on in the company cafeteria or behind a customer's back. You just can't do it.

The reason is simple.

Negative gossip almost always gets back to the person you are discussing. That's just the nature of juicy, negative, sensationalized news. And to make matters worse, the version that gets back to the person you discussed is almost always worse than the version you shared.

4. Keep your promises

Nothing destroys trust faster than failing to keep your promises.

Think about it. No one ever forgets a promise. You tell your child you'll take her to the amusement park, and she'll remind you fifteen times that "you promised."

You tell a colleague that you'll get back to him, and he sees it as a promise. You tell a client, that an assignment will be finished by tomorrow and she sees it as a promise. And it doesn't work to go back to them and say you forgot or you got busy. In their minds, you broke your promise, and the trust between the two of you is damaged.

So, if you want to build trust, the solution is simple. Keep your promises.

A final thought

Don't get discouraged, if you're in the process of building or re-building trust in a relationship. Trust takes time.

Just as it takes more than one block to build a fortress, it takes more than one action to build trust. It takes a lot of blocks, put down ... over time ... to get the results you want. It works the same way when you're building trust. Go ahead and use the four trust building blocks I've just given you and you will:

- Become a better leader and manager
- Retain your employees - (Don't forget ... high employee turn-over = higher costs)
- Keep your customers who want to buy from you over and over again for life
- Achieve more than you ever thought possible
And, it's all because trust is the "ultimate competitive advantage."

About Dr. Alan Zimmerman
As a best-selling author and Hall of Fame professional speaker, Dr. Alan Zimmerman has helped more than one million people in 48 states and 22 countries become positive employees. Sign up now for his free ezine filled with hundreds of motivation, communication, and teamwork secrets at http://www.drzimmerman.com/tuesdaytip.htm and get a bonus 48-page E-Book, containing Dr. Zimmerman’s most powerful, most requested tips.

TEN STRATEGIES FOR ENTREPRENEURIAL SUCCESS

Ten Strategies for Entrepreneurial Success

by Carol Giannantonio

Success in entrepreneurship requires a diversity of talents, a broad range of knowledge, a passion to succeed and an attitude that says "I can do it!" Nothing less will suffice. To help you on your way to that success, here are the top 10 strategies that will guide you to entrepreneurial success.

Strategy #1: MAKE MONEY DOING WHAT YOU KNOW & WHAT IS IN YOUR HEART

If you are considering starting your own business, know that 9 times out of 10 you will be more successful if your business focuses on something that you already do well. For example, if you have done Training and Instructional Design for years for a major Training Provider, Consulting Group or Fortune 500 Company, launching your own Instructional Design and Training business is a great idea. You have the knowledge and the contacts, so you already are one step ahead. Conversely, if that same individual had decided to start a fabric manufacturing company, the learning curve would be tremendous. They would not know the "tricks of the trade" of that industry and would not be using a great deal of the knowledge they had obtained in meeting and events planning. Doing what you know - or at least have some experience and knowledge in - makes a world of difference in how quickly you will succeed.

If it is something that you know and something that you have already succeeded in, it tends to be "close to your heart." As an entrepreneur, you are going to be working very long hours. Best to do something that you Love, value, cherish and enjoy!

Strategy #2: UNDERSTAND YOUR MONEY

For all too many start-up entrepreneurs, their lack of knowledge about how their money "works" has been their downfall. A prime example: A career coach charges $175 an hour for he their services and thinks their making $175 an hour. Wrong! If you subtract business overhead costs (e.g., phones, computers, office space, utilities, paper, office supplies), then subtract state, federal and FICA taxes, that $175 is much closer to $40-50! To succeed in business, you MUST have a true understanding of how your money works, where it comes from, where you spend it, and what your bottom-line profits truly are. Seek support and direction from an accountant. Get an accountant now -before it is too late! Successful entreprenuer build a network of resources and support systems to help them succeed!

Strategy #3: EMBRACE YOUR CLIENTS

Whether you call them clients or customers, they are the single most important component of any successful business. Without them, you have nothing- no matter how great your products, services or technologies. You must be available to your clients and must learn to embrace them in each and every one of your interactions (e.g., phone, fax, email, mail). You want them to feel as though you truly value their business (you do!) and that you will consistently respond to their needs and concerns (you will!). If your clients feel valued and cared about, they will be yours forever. They will refer their colleagues and associates to you, allowing you to build a strong customer base without additional marketing and advertising costs. Referrals are, by far, your single best source of business and something which you should dedicate yourself to building.

Strategy #4: BUILD A NICHE

Businesses that tend to stand out from the crowd are often those businesses that focus their products and services in a particular market niche. A prime example is a law firm that specializes in real estate. Rather than being lost in the enormous number of general law practices, this firm stands out and has immediate market recognition as an "expert" in real estate law. In turn, they have a unique market position that attracts the specific clientele they want. They will have substantially less competition. A niche marketing concept will give you significant market visibility and, over time, build a substantial customer base. And, do not feel as though you have to limit yourself to just one niche. Consider two or three related niches and watch your business grow!

Strategy #5: GET PUBLISHED

When you are published, people believe you are an expert. Whether a book or an article, it gives you and your business instant credibility. Also- it is very easy to get published today. There are thousands, if not tens of thousands, of websites that are hungry for content. Sometimes they will pay; other times, they will not. However, the exposure and visibility you get is well worth the time to write a quick article. If you are in the consumer products manufacturing industry, contact one of your industry professional associations to ask if they need an article - for their website or newsletter. Before you know it, you and your business will come to be recognized as experts. Can you think of any better way to build your customer base and credibility?

Strategy #6: NETWORK

Building your market visibility, network of contacts and network of referrals is vital to your long-term success. You cannot rely on business just knocking at your door no matter how much you spend on advertising. Instead, you have to go get it. Sometimes through direct sales calls; other times, through more passive networking channels such as participation in and/or leadership of your local chamber of commerce, local lead exchange group and other business/professional association. Consider sending a quarterly e-newsletter to your existing customers to share company news, introduce new services and products, and ask for referrals. Commit yourself to making 2-3 new business contacts each and every month, separate and apart from any direct selling and/or marketing activities that you do. These may be people you want to do business with and/or they may know others who would be interested in what you have to offer. Remember, the larger your network, the more visible you and your company will be, the greater name recognition you will achieve, and the more customers that will, indeed, come knocking at your door.

Strategy #7: USE MULTIPLE MARKETING CHANNELS

No single advertising, promotional or marketing strategy works in isolation. True marketing and business development is a culmination of a diversity of strategies, tactics and actions that will generate clients from a diversity of sources. What marketing, advertising and promotional channels you use will depend entirely on your product or service, and the customers you are trying to reach. Your objective is to create a plan that integrates all of the primary marketing channels appropriate for your business (e.g., print advertising, brochures, Yellow Pages advertising, website, online advertising, targeted direct mail, public speaking, networking, incentives). When creating your marketing plan - for today and tomorrow - be sure to identify and develop ALL channels that will lead you to your targeted customer base.

Strategy #8: CHARGE WHAT YOU ARE WORTH

Whether you offer a product or a service, it is essential that you charge what it is worth. Do not think for one minute that just by making your product or service the least expensive, that it will generate clients. It is better to be at the higher end of the pricing scale so that customers will understand the inherent value of your product. Consider two pairs of identical looking shoes. One pair is $49.95 and the other is $149.95. Which is better? We are all inclined to believe that the $149.95 pair is better made, will last longer, etc. Use this same principle when developing your pricing schedules. Do not be be cheap-be the best!

Strategy #9: CREATE WORK/LIFE BALANCE

Learning to balance your entrepreneurial life with your personal life will most likely be a lifelong challenge. It can be extremely difficult to "walk away from work" when 1000 things are happening. Know when it is time to go home, make dinner, care for your children, love your spouse and more. It is a constant juggling act that you must work hard to balance. Schedule time for your family, friends and YOURSELF into your calendar! And do it! Acknowledge these activities are just as important to your overall success as is your business.

A happy and healthy individual is a vastly more productive individual, able to meet constant challenges and demands, and move forward. The energy you get from interactions with family and friends, and the quiet time you devote to yourself, are rejuvenating and critical for any successful entrepreneur.

Strategy #10: BE THE DRIVER

The best thing about entrepreneurship is that you have control! Of course, you are accountable to your customers, employees, Board of Directors, investors and others, but, ultimately, you are the driver. What a great place to be! Choose your direction and start driving. It's a great feeling to know you drive the process and can take it where you want it to go. Also- seek advice and learn from those who are already in the driver's seat. They are resources to use for your success. That includes a Career/Business Coach. They specialize in guiding you to success!

The successes that you achieve will be those that you created, worked for and earned. You will tap into your abilities to be self-reliant and self-confident, able to make tough decisions, think independently and move your company toward action and success.

Twenty years ago, entrepreneurship was a risky business. Today, it can offer you substantially more stability than a job you find anywhere. No longer will you be subject to the downsizings and reorganizations of corporate America. As an entrepreneur, you become your own driver and forge your own destiny.
Contact me at carolgcoach@aol.com for a complimentary session. Put yourself in the driver seat to success and happiness.

2011 Carol Giannantonio Coaching and Consulting Services. All Rights Reserved.

About Carol Giannantonio
Carol is a certified life coach, who helps others reach their full potential and create a life they love.
Her intuitive, down to earth nature, sense of humor, honesty and integrity enable her clients to quickly gain clarity and make the changes the desire in their personal and professional life.

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Resistance to What-Is Is a Prison without Bars

Resistance to What-Is Is a Prison without Bars

by Joyce Shafer

Resistance is the emotional equivalent of "I Don't Want THIS." How many times a day do we bump against this one? What can we do about it?

Resistance feels bad. In fact, at times it feels as bad, or worse, than what you resist. At the very least, it amplifies the negative energy you're feeling, which is fear-based in one way or another. When you amplify the energy you feel, you amplify your transmission of it to the field that matches your transmission, as though it was an order that you've placed to be filled. (Please keep in mind that this works for positive energy, as well.)
I found myself facing this when things were not going as I would have preferred in a particular instance in my life, and appeared to be possibly escalating. Resistance welled up in me. Imagined undesired scenarios were called forth by my ego-aspect. I could practically hear my ego-aspect shouting, "No, no, no! I don't want that!"
Fortunately, I realized what I was doing. Fortunately, I understand, even though I temporarily forget--especially when I'm feeling strong emotions, that what is resisted persists. That whatever energy is transmitted gets matched. That resistance never makes me feel better, only worse.

So I told myself what will be will be, and that if there was any more to say, think, or feel about this, it was best to ask for the strength and wherewithal to step up to the plate and perform to the best of my ability at the inner and outer levels, if stepping up did become required of me. This eased the energy, and what my ego-aspect wanted to resist didn't manifest as fully as it might have--this time. In a bit, I explain why "this time" is important to include.

Resistance is very much like pressing on a bruise or a wound and complaining that it hurts to do that. Why do we resist? Maybe it's because we focus more on what we want and don't want than on how we want to be and don't want to be like. Do we actually resist events or do we actually resist how we may be during and as a result of events? Are the two independent of each other? These questions are worth pondering.

Maybe we can help ourselves if we deepen our understanding of what we resist and why, because there's more than one form of what-is that we resist. Let's take a look at them so we can more easily identify them when they surface.
Of-the-moment what-is: This form is what's happening in the moment we're in. If it's not what we prefer or desire, we resist that it's happening at all. But what we need to remember is that while an event is happening, the dynamics are still in motion. The outcome is not necessarily a given; so we have a level of flexibility to shift our perspective, the dynamics, and the outcome. Resistance to what's happening won't get us where we want to go or lead us to how we want to be. Choosing how and who we want to be will.

What-is du jour: When we wake each day, this form is the one we believe reflects the predominant state of our life. It's the one we can replace resistance to with acceptance that what has already happened has happened or is in play at this time, an intention to shift it, and a plan we follow to shift it or us, whether the action energy of this is inner, outer, or both.

What-may-be: We resist this form because we feel not in control of the dynamics, and we don't like that feeling at all. It's the one where an understanding of how Law of Attraction works would serve us, though this knowledge and practice serves us in any of the what-is forms. This form is one where our reliance on Trust in Source and ourselves would benefit us, as well as Trust about what will be: there's always more going on than just what we see close up, and all things end and result in new beginnings.

What-will-be: We share 'reality" with others who have their own dynamics in process and progress, as well as their own beginnings and endings; with Mother Nature; and with what goes on in the universe beyond our Earth home, which is where "this time" fits in. Resistance is a waste of energy here. Better to prepare and strengthen ourselves at both the inner and outer levels, but especially the inner. It's also when "What can I do?" or "How can I help or be of service?" are questions that can guide us through the dynamics and the outcomes. We may not feel good about events that unfold, but we can choose to do what causes us to feel integrity toward ourselves in relation to our thoughts, words, and actions as they relate to events and shifts.

What-was: This form is often confused by our ego-aspect with what-is du jour. We call it the past, and we resist it, even though the only thing there is to resist in real-time is the thoughts we engage about what-was. Granted, results of what-was may affect or influence what-is du jour, but our resistance to what has happened or what has changed from what used to be, often rules our thoughts, feelings, words, and actions--energies we could put to better use to create as much of what we prefer at the inner and outer levels of our experiences of ourselves and life.

Resistance, especially sustained resistance, is a prison without bars. Resistance keeps us from seeing the truth about what we are truly capable of, what our true strengths are, and how creative and supportive we can actually be. It causes us to forget we are co-creators, that we are compassionate, that we are never alone (Source is always, always with us), and that there is always a bigger picture in play. Resistance is a mental, emotional, spiritual, or life-experience prison we put ourselves in, a prison that we alone can release ourselves from.
Resistance happens and it's understandable why it does, because it is ultimately about feelings: the ones we don't want to allow into and as our experience. However, we don't have to let it run or ruin our experiences and our lives. When you feel resistance, maybe it will help you to identify which form it is so you can understand why you're feeling it, which can help you figure out what to do about it so you can free yourself from its Velcro-like grip on you.

Realize that your life experience is not as much about how you want to feel as it is about how you want to feel about you. Then you'll be able to tune into conscious awareness, or choose to do so, so you make decisions and take actions from head-and-heart alignment rather than resistance-reaction. The two most powerful aspects you can aim for, and which can assist you out of resistance, are genuine appreciation and integrity. It's a good practice, one you'll appreciate.

Practice makes progress.
© Joyce Shafer

You are welcome to use this article in your newsletter or on your blog/website as long as you use my complete bio with it.

About Joyce Shafer

Joyce Shafer is a Life Empowerment Coach dedicated to helping people feel, be, and live their true inner power. She's author of "Don't Want to be Your Guru" and other books/ebooks, and publishes a free weekly online newsletter that offers empowering articles and free downloads. See all that's offered by Joyce and on her site at http://stateofappreciation.weebly.com.

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How to Make Your Dreams Come True

How to Make Your Dreams Come True

by Sonny Julius

Would you like to know how to make your dream come true? Well it's possible when you know what to do for it to become reality.

But before I go any further let's make sure you understand what a dream really is. The dictionary defines it in a couple of ways: It's a series of thoughts, images or emotions occurring during sleep. It's something that fully satisfies a wish a strong desire goal or purpose.

I'm sure you dreamed many times what you wanted when you were a child. Maybe it was a new bike, a puppy dog, swimming in the ocean, a portable radio or any number of things. Many times on special occasions we eventually got some of those things from Mom and Dad or Grandma and Grandpa.

But what happened as we grew up and became adults? We may still have dreamed on occasions but now we are not as assured about getting those things we desired as when we were children. It took more effort now to get those things you wanted in life than just dreaming.

I'll never forget when I was a teenager how bad I wanted a brand new car. I had my eyes fixed on a Chevrolet that I saw many times when going by the dealership.

I dreamed about it often times and told my dad what I wanted. Since I was working part-time after high school in the family florist business he made a recommendation.

He said he would keep a percentage of my earnings each week and put it in the company's safe. When I accumulated enough cash for a down payment he would go with me to the dealer to talk about purchasing a new car.
By the time I graduated from high school I had accumulated enough money for a down payment to buy a brand new 1949 Chevrolet. So one day Dad and I went to the dealer to make the purchase and set up the financing. He had to co-sign for the loan but I made the monthly payments.

My dream was now a reality. It happened because first of all I had a vision of what I wanted; then a method was created to make the dream come true (a place to accumulate cash); next a weekly action plan to add a percentage of my salary to place in the company safe.

That's the simple plan of how to make your dreams come true for anything you want to accomplish in your life. Here's basically how the plan works. First you must have a clear vision of your goal. You must make that vision as vivid as you can. Then visualize it every day.

Next set up a plan how you will accomplish it and the date when you expect to have it. Then take the action necessary to make it happen. Finally don't let anything or anybody discourage you from reaching the goal.
Eventually as I became an adult I learned how to use that same method regularly and how to make my dreams come true.

After several years working in the family business I could see my dream being fulfilled as owner of the shop. But that dream finally subsided when I eventually became dissatisfied with working in the business.

The long hours standing behind a design table daily; the amount of compensation I made; the six day work week; and a limited vacation finally convinced me that is was no longer a dream I wanted to pursue.

So a new dream began to develop in my mind. I decided I wanted to pursue a new career and leave the family business. I also wanted to increase my financial status so I could provide more things for myself and my family.
The dream finally got more momentum one day when I met a salesman selling a self-improvement motivational program. It was exactly what I needed to refresh my dream.

It wasn't all that easy a smooth transition to make my dream a reality. There were some disappointments and obstacles to overcome. But by applying the methods in the program I eventually made a decision to apply for a sales position and placed an ad in the local newspaper.

One day I got a reply for an interview and was hired that evening for a sales position with a company where I eventually worked for 29 years. Once I became a sales supervisor I shared those same methods with my sales staff so they could become more effective in their jobs as well as their personal lives as well.

I still apply these methods any time I want to achieve a new goal. So if you are one who wants to know how to excel in your life and make your dreams come true. Get my free report at www.sonnyjulius.com.


About Sonny Julius
Born in Jeffersonville, IN Sonny Julius grew up in a family that owned a local florist business that lasted or 63 years. For 29 years he was personally involved in the business. Eventually becoming dissatisfied with it he left to become a sales representative and spent more than 20 years in sales roles. During that time he trained sales staff using an 8-step formula he developed.

After retirement Sonny became heavily involved in developing an Internet business devoted to helping others develop a plan to set realistic goals and accomplish them so they can design the ideal lifestyle they desire.

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Do Your Beliefs and Behaviors Ever Clash?

Do Your Beliefs and Behaviors Ever Clash?

by Joyce Shafer

What does it mean when our behaviors don't reflect our beliefs? It means it's time to re-visit what we believe.
Beliefs change. This usually surprises us because we invest a good deal of energy into identifying what we believe about anything. When beliefs and behaviors contrast, the typical response or reaction is to manage or attempt to manage the behaviors. But what does that really do? Solely managing a behavior not in alignment with a belief puts us into a form of self-denial, if we don't also look at the belief.

Why do we hold beliefs? They act as a guidance system for us, an internal GPS (Global Positioning System) that helps us follow our path throughout the moments of our lives. If we have head and heart alignment with our beliefs, they can serve us. If we don't, meaning we just give lip-service to them, they merely act as a corral to keep our true feelings inside. If contrasts between beliefs and behaviors arise, there is something we can do. We can ask a series of questions.

What changed? This has to be addressed at both inner and outer levels. One level does not change without affecting the other. Determine where the change originated that created the contrast: inner or outer. Once you know where it started, it will lead you to identify what influence it had at the other level. Once you identify these changes, you can ask the following questions.

What do I want instead? This comes directly from knowing what you don't want, which is, at the root of this, the actual discomfort you feel from the inner- and outer-level contrast. Most people believe they want something specific to change so they can feel in balance or better than they do. Feelings come from within. They are not a result of circumstances, but of choices we make about how to feel about anyone or anything, in any moment. If you know how you prefer to feel, you can determine what you need to do at the inner and outer levels to get to that feeling. However, the resolution of this will be long-lasting only if you have head and heart alignment about this.

How committed are you to doing whatever it takes to create more of what you want? If all you are engaged in is wishful thinking, nothing substantial will change. Wishful thinking has a constant companion: noisy dialogue, whether in our heads or to anyone who will listen. Commitment has energy, and as author Kurt Wright said, is a magnet. There is inner conversation as you ask yourself right questions, but then there is action, much more action than dialogue, when you have commitment.

Most inner- and outer-level struggles result from people not knowing what it is they want, being afraid to admit what it is they want, or being afraid to take action needed to create what they want. This is not living. Most of us are extravagant about how much time we think we have in life. And, we mistakenly think that life is about what we accomplish rather than what we feel about ourselves and every moment, and what we contribute to each moment. Accomplish what you want; but make your goal to feel what you want to feel about you in relation to the entire process from start to middle to end.

When all is said and done, whether at the end of a goal or the end of a lifetime, what do you want to feel about yourself, the outcome, and the experiences that got you there? Was it an impoverished inner experience or a richly-textured one? Were you serene more than not, joyful more than not, enthusiastic more than not, loving and caring more than not, trusting of Source more than not? Did you seek and find head and heart alignment more than not, and so on? Did you choose one feeling over another, with conscious awareness? Did you pay attention to contrasts between your beliefs and your behaviors, and address this to restore harmony in you, your life, and your relationships? Did you choose what you wanted to feel about yourself, say, to remain in integrity, before you spoke or took action, at least, as often as you could do this? These choices are always yours. Be deliberate about your choices. It's a good practice; one you'll appreciate.

About Joyce Shafer
Joyce Shafer is a Life Empowerment Coach dedicated to helping people feel, be, and live their true inner power. She's author of "Don't Want to be Your Guru" and other books/ebooks, and publishes a free weekly online newsletter that offers empowering articles and free downloads. See all that's offered by Joyce and on her site at http://stateofappreciation.weebly.com.

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Do You Ever Contradict Your Beliefs and Affirmations?

Do You Ever Contradict Your Beliefs and Affirmations?

by Joyce Shafer

You make affirmations because you want something to improve. Then something happens, and your response or reaction is as though you never affirmed at all. What's going on?

We sometimes have just a split-second to choose what we're going to say (or do). If there's a lot of emotion involved when triggered by what someone says or does, we may not respond quite the way we might have liked to. We may realize we've been triggered, but awareness of that and the opportunity to manage ourselves better takes a backseat (or leaves the room entirely) to how ego wants to react. Afterwards, we may feel disappointed in ourselves. We may know we could have handled ourselves better. We may question what we really believe, because as Joyce Meyer said, "What's in our heart comes out of our mouth." Now we're in a quandary: do we mean what we affirm or don't we?

This was my recent experience when someone asked me a question worded in a particular way about a topic that, I admit, is still a sore-spot with me. The question triggered my ego (which has an old tape loop playing about this), and what came out of my mouth was based on that. Within seconds, I felt disappointment in my response choices. My ego spewed words akin to the momentum of a boulder tumbling out of control down a hill: I couldn't seem to stop myself from saying what I did, nor did my ego-aspect want me to. Once I stopped talking, I thought of all the things I could have said instead, words that would have been in alignment with what I affirm and actually believe. I "should" on myself about this one on and off the rest of the day.

My responses were inarguably contrary to what I believe and affirm when not triggered. I really didn't want to create a match to the words I'd spoken, so I had to look at what had happened, because I don't want it to happen again (it might happen again, but I want my self-adjusting attention on this).

While I pondered this, I read an article in the June 2013 issue of More magazine titled, "Change one small habit, change your life", by Brian Alexander. "A-ha" moments came to me while reading the article about the challenge of habits or habitual behaviors, as this relates to why, after putting energy and effort into self-improvement, we can feel like it's a "one step forward, two steps back" process at times, especially when triggered.

We are wired to form habits or habitual behaviors for the purpose of brain-energy conservation. Have you ever felt worn out from thinking long or hard about a something that challenged you? How often do you really want to have to think that hard? Do you want that much thought to be applied to, say, sweeping the porch? Have you ever done something like brush your teeth or fold laundry while your mind was focused on something else or just drifting from thought to thought? Isn't it convenient not to have to use the same brain-energy to fold laundry as to balance a checkbook?

Many habits or habitual behaviors are what Alexander called "boilerplate templates": actions we do frequently or repetitively. The brain would rather we have such templates or habits in place so it can conserve energy for reasoning and decision-making. We could consider habits or habitual behaviors the personal assistant that handles certain details so the executive part of our brain can reserve energy for matters that require more complex thought.

We're easily swayed to form habitual behaviors by the brain through the reward system. The reward is a chemical response that either pleases us (like eating that piece of chocolate we crave) or relieves stress or anxiety (like eating that piece of chocolate we crave). Rewards are what we use to train animals, aren't they? We give them a cue (a trigger) and they respond accordingly and receive their reward. Two-legged or four- or feathered: we all like rewards. And we tend to repeat what brings us desired rewards.

Our brains are wired to first and foremost keep us safe, alive, fed, and rested, which is our primary focus as youngsters and underlie our adult existence. Once these needs become easier to manage and maintain, the part of our brain that helps us look beyond basic needs becomes more active. We become aware of, or return our awareness to, the cause-and-effect factor regarding our past, present, and future experiences. This kind of thinking requires rationale or reasoning. And therein is the conflict for us: the choice between immediate reward (ego-based satisfaction) and rationale (contemplate consequences before we speak or act), which requires more brain-energy and can feel less satisfying to the ego-aspect that wants what it wants when it wants it.

There are times in our daily life when the reward we seek is relief from stress. Each person's ability to manage his or her way through this reward vs. rationale maze is as individual as the person. This is why some people can change a habit or habitual behavior with seemingly little to no effort but it can be a real challenge for someone else, which makes criticizing anyone who is challenged in this way unjust. And because our triggers and stress-relief processes are unique to us, one habit we have may be easy to change but another one kicks us in the backside when we try to get rid of it, especially if it's a stress-reliever we've relied on.

When times are challenging or extremely stressful, the desire for reward tends to outweigh the desire to be rational because our desire to relieve stress, painful emotions, or pain becomes paramount to that part of our brain activated first, to ensure our survival. Little thought is given to cause and effect during stressful or painful times--we want relief as quickly as possible. This is a survival mechanism that kicks into gear, akin to why your body demands sleep when you need to heal from an illness or injury.

There is also something researchers call depletion. It's the result of trying to maintain self-control in a manner that denies rewards. This is why when you diet inappropriately, meaning a diet not appropriate for your personal chemistry or one of the starvation-type diets, nearly all you can think about are foods you're denying yourself. You feel so deprived, that your ability to focus well goes off kilter. Once again, the part of your brain assigned to basic survival kicks into high gear: it wants to relieve stress caused by denial.

Depletion can also be the result of not saying all that the ego really wants to say when triggered. And, if ego does speak out, but still does not get the desired result, this is also a form of depletion and is why any of us speak repetitively about unresolved matters. That we might find a more constructive way to express ourselves with integrity for all involved in an effort to resolve an issue often isn't a concern of the ego that feels threatened or criticized; so it experiences denial of what it craves, which is to feel safe, accepted, and satisfied.

Depletion keeps us craving whatever we perceive the reward to be, which makes changing a habit or habitual behavior quite challenging. However, sometimes what we crave is inappropriate; so it's not as much a matter of satisfying the craving as it is exchanging an inappropriate reward for a more appropriate one.
Let's revisit why we want to pay attention to what we say. We want a particular reward, say, an easier experience of life, so we seek to align with appropriate beliefs and to use words that support the beliefs and desired results. But if we're triggered in a way that causes us stress, anxiety, or anger, the old habit of seeking immediate relief gets activated, and the reward of self-management gets shoved to the side. Words, including ones in opposition to what we've chosen to and do believe, can escape from us. And what can really make this more difficult is if we don't realize we're in this trigger-to-reward (or relief) loop, as I was initially unaware of in the personal example I shared. As with any tape loop, it repeats unless or until it's stopped somehow.

We can go at all of this from a direction that researchers have discovered really does make a difference: Appreciation. Deliberately connecting with feelings of appreciation, gratitude, thankfulness--call it what you will--relieves stress and anxiety, not just when triggered, but before, so that we aren't so easily triggered as we once were. Appreciation practiced daily, as often as needed or chosen, can actually ease our trigger-response, which is after all, a habitual behavior.

The article made a case-in-point about this regarding a woman who had so many stress-provoking moments in her life each day that she became used to (think depletion) reacting as though everything, including small matters, was a catastrophe. She got herself out of this loop by choosing something to appreciate or feel gratitude about every day, especially when triggered. Can you see how all of this would influence Law of Attraction?

Alexander wrote, "Self-awareness, self-monitoring and will power are all key to busting out of a bad habit and forging a new one." There is a school of thought, though, that says will power really doesn't work, that success is more about our Why and whether or not the reward from a new behavior motivates us more than the "reward' the old behavior provided. But, we can put self-awareness, self-monitoring, self-adjustment, and appreciation into practice, which creates small wins for us. Small wins lead us to the desired habits and results we've chosen.

The next time you catch yourself saying something contrary to what you really believe and affirm, go ahead and stop yourself. Put the brakes on that runaway train. You might even say aloud to whomever you're with that what you just said is an old program and no longer what you really believe; then state what it is you really do believe. Do this to alter the energy you're transmitting and to halt the unhelpful loop, as well as to reduce the energy of that particular trigger for a future time. It's a good practice; one you'll appreciate.

About Joyce Shafer
Joyce Shafer is a Life Empowerment Coach dedicated to helping people feel, be, and live their true inner power. She's author of "Don't Want to be Your Guru" and other books/ebooks, and publishes a free weekly online newsletter that offers empowering articles and free downloads. See all that's offered by Joyce and on her site at http://stateofappreciation.weebly.com.

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