Understand to be Understood - It's Good Office Karma

by Lisa Martinby Lisa Martin

As the media and several mommy-lit authors continue to promote counterproductive "mommy wars" between stay-at-home and career moms, what about the very real conflicts that can occur between mothers and their workplace colleagues?

Today's working moms feel under incredible pressure to do it all - and to do it well. With society's high expectations to navigate successful careers, raise well-adjusted children, manage Martha Stewart-like homes, keep the fires burning, and be ageless and slim, it's no wonder many career moms are looking for emotional and physical support (and perhaps considering a very long vacation far, far away).

So, what can you do when your co-worker(s) and/or your boss don't understand your family-related needs or ignore your requests for family time?

Here are four strategies to consider if you find that no one on your team empathizes with your need to work from home when you have a sick child, leave early for medical appointments, concerts or tournaments, or exit the office at 5:00 p.m. regularly for daycare pick ups.

1. Know What You Really Want

Before you feel your blood pressure start to rise, thinking nobody "gets it" at work, consider first whether you've "got it." It's easy to blame others or become annoyed with your situation if you are not very clear about what you want.

If you are angry with your leader because you have an inflexible work schedule or crazy deadlines, ask yourself whether you've actually articulated your ideal schedule. Have you mapped out how you wish to be working?

All too often, we complain of little or no support yet we haven't clearly identified what we are looking for. Are you interested in part-time hours or a job-share position? How exactly do you want a flexible work arrangement to work? Know what you want first and then go forward.

2. Understand Your Colleagues and Your Workplace

Do your best not to judge others until you've walked in their shoes. We each have to map our own path to balance and define what is "right" for us. In reality, everyone's needs, decisions, and daily actions are complex and intertwined. Although it might be difficult to accept that someone else's situation or point of view is as valid as yours, it is important to be accepting and to try to understand their position.

Does your boss really have as much power to rearrange work teams as you might think? Are your colleagues unwilling to pinch-hit for you because company policies might put their jobs at risk? Is your corporate culture quietly non supportive of working mothers who take a full maternity leave?

When you fully understand your work reality, you will be better prepared to deal with it.

3. Say Something Sooner Rather than Later

Most women avoid conflict (unless someone has grabbed away our favorite pair at a warehouse shoe sale). We'd rather tell our friends, and anyone else who'll listen, how we've been wronged than speak up to right a problem.

If you face a work situation that you consider truly unfair or which has put you in a real bind, talk to your colleague or boss about it. Don't let resentment simmer only to boil over at the most inappropriate time, like at a performance review.

Set a meeting and come armed with a solution for your co-worker or boss. Talk to your colleague about how you can best arrange your schedules as you job-share. Ask your HR manager about flexible work options and develop a plan together that you can take to your leader. Ask someone who is really interested in golf to take your place on the charity tournament committee.

Communicate well and get the support you need.

4. Give in Order to Receive

The best way to gain support is to give it. Think about how you can be selfless and help others in your work environment. Could you stay late one night when your leader has an important meeting the next day? Perhaps take a lunch meeting for a colleague who needs to write an exam? Offer an employee additional holiday time?

The more willing you are to lend a hand, the more likely it is you'll receive the same back. Be as giving as you can possibly be.

So whenever you find yourself facing workplace conflicts, use this four-step process to minimize your frustration and create solutions that benefit all involved. Leave the "office wars" to someone else.

© Copyright 2007. Lisa Martin. All rights reserved.

Lisa Martin is a certified coach who inspires working mothers to achieve success that's balanced.Author of Briefcase Moms: 10 Proven Practices to Balance Working Mothers' Lives,Lisa is a sought-after expert and speaker on work-life balance issues. Known for her very personal and practical approach, Lisa coaches working mothers to know what they want and get what they want.With 20 years of entrepreneurial and corporate experience, Lisa is also the founder and president of Briefcase Moms - a work-life coaching and training company that helps organizations attract, engage and retain working mothers. A mother herself, Lisa's powerful presentations and programs have helped thousands of women define success and balance on their own terms. http://www.briefcasemoms.com

About Lisa Martin
Lisa Martin is a certified coach who inspires working mothers to achieve success that's balanced.
Author of Briefcase Moms: 10 Proven Practices to Balance Working Mothers' Lives,Lisa is a sought-after expert and speaker on work-life balance issues. Known for her very personal and practical approach, Lisa coaches working mothers to know what they want and get what they want.
With 20 years of entrepreneurial and corporate experience, Lisa is also the founder and president of The Briefcase Moms Group - a work-life coaching and training company that helps organizations attract, engage and retain working mothers. A mother herself, Lisa's powerful presentations and programs have helped thousands of women define success and balance on their own terms. http://www.briefcasemoms.com

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