Holiday Drama!

by Diane Rumbaugh

Your husband announces he's finally nailed down a meeting with that potentially "beaucoup bucks" client he's been after for weeks - tomorrow night for drinks. You glare at him.

"Tomorrow?" you ask in a slow deadly tone of voice. He looks at you startled: "Yeah. Why are you looking at me like that?" And here it comes: he forgot dinner plans with guests, how could he spoil this special Holiday dinner with dear friends who are so hard to makes plans with given their schedules, you've been planning this for ages, you bought a new dress for the occasion, how could it do this to you? He knew how important it was. His precious business comes before you every time - DRAMA!

Or . . . your girlfriend is late - again! She was supposed to meet you for lunch, and then the 2 of you were going to go shopping for decorations and props for the kids' Holiday classroom events before picking up your respective children from school. Now she comes running in over a half hour after when you arranged to meet, out of breath, having forgotten her credit card (again). Not only do you now have to bolt your lunch (you who loathe having to eat fast) but you have to spring for it and the Holiday supplies as well, and you'll probably hit the stores with just barely enough time to race around collecting things, and can't she wear a watch for Heaven's sake and why are you the one always waiting, how could she be so thoughtless as to forget her credit card - DRAMA!

"But my husband did forget and my girlfriend was late - what am I supposed to do, make like a doormat and pretend it's all alright?! It's not!" you cry.

No, of course not. Your frustration and anger are normal and legitimate. That's not the problem. The problem is how you're dealing with your frustration and anger. You're not just expressing them and moving on to an acceptable resolution, you're milking your frustration and anger as vigorously as you can in the interests of DRAMA! Because let's face it, there's a lot of excitement and passion in building the ordinary hurt into extraordinary damage, in reminding people of how important and valuable you are. It's just that drama seriously interferes with solving the challenges of everyday life. Most of the time, drama makes everything worse.

Yes, your husband was remiss in forgetting your dinner party. Elevating his forgetfulness to the level of his business coming before you won't help him remember family obligations. It'll just make him defensive and provoke an argument with each of you trying to prove the other one wrong! Certainly express your frustration and disappointment, but put a limit on it. Turn your focus as soon as you can on damage control in the immediate: perhaps he can schedule his business meeting a half hour earlier, and you can visit with your friends for a while before dinner, when your husband will join the group. And when you have some quiet time the day after the dinner party, talk with your husband about how the two of you can manage your work and family calendars more effectively.

Your girlfriend should respect your time as you do hers, and no, you're not a walking bank account at her disposal. Your annoyance and frustration are entirely understandable. But if this is habitual behavior on her part and despite that you value her friendship (we all have our flaws), get creative. Think of ways and times to do things together that don't ruffle your feathers.

Emotions are the natural outpouring of who we are. Emotions are wonderful when you use them for their intended purpose: to let you know where you're at relative to any situation or experience. Once they've accomplished that function, you can choose to prolong the emotions when they feel good, or let them go quickly when they don't. Fanning emotions to the level of drama may yield a short term high, but it only causes long term lows.

Leave drama where it belongs - on the stage/screen where all that flailing is highly entertaining and not making a mess of your life!

Dr. Noelle Nelson is a best-selling author and a powerful, passionate speaker. Her best-selling books include The Power of Appreciation, The Power of Appreciation in Business & Everyday Miracles. www.noellenelson.com



About Diane Rumbaugh
Noelle C. Nelson, Ph.D. is a respected psychologist, consultant and author. Her most recent books is "The Power of Appreciation: The Key to a Vibrant Life" (Beyond Words, 2003). Web site: www.dr.noellenelson.com.


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