Words and You

by Carrie Fleharty

What kind of specific words do you use when you speak to yourself? Others? Clients? Co-workers? Friends? Do you use words that include: don't, can't, could, would, never, can't be done, it's impossible or even I am afraid? Look at these words very closely. Do they sound sort of negative? The specific words we use, and how we use them have a great impact on our daily lives. They will indicate what you receive, how you are treated, and a sense of worthiness. Have you ever considered changing your words to indicate what you truly want and desire?

Self talk is one way to notice your use of language. "Oh dummy, why did you do that?" "Well stupid you can do better." "I'm no good at all." "I can't do that." "I hate that!" Do you see the negative language you are using on yourself? This negative language prevents us from becoming confident, and gives our self-esteem a kick in the pants. I used to say those phrases everyday. The very thing that I was causing was my self-esteem to take a hike, and dig a hole in the dirt. I also know that sometimes I would use this self talk as a way to make laughter, and take away the embarrassment that I thought I was causing. Think about what you truly want in life.

Positive Affirmations
Positive affirmations...You hear those words and many of you think oh here we go again; I have to write more positive affirmations. They really work. They speak loud with authority, they affect your attitude, helps put your mind into focus, and to concentrate on your goal. By using affirmations you are tricking your mind into believing that you are special, and wonderful, and deserve good things, treatment, and are valued. Also when you write an affirmation you are stating it in the present sense. In other words you are writing as if you already have what you desire.

When you phrase your affirmations while writing them; (you are writing them aren't you?) you need to be crystal clear in your desire, and affirm that with your subconscious mind. For example if you are losing weight and you want to affirm this then state and write it this way: "I enjoy my healthy new exercise program." "I love the healthy foods I eat." How about these? "I am thankful for achieving my weight loss goals." "I am grateful for all my accomplishments no matter how small." These are simple but important ways to write affirmations.

Desires
When we want to accomplish something the word try comes to mind. If you have a coffee mug near you, pen, pencil or any other object then try to pick it up. I can count on you for easily picking up that mug, or object. As Yoda states, "Do or Don't do." As you can see that example is pretty clear. Lets look at this another way. I am a high school certified employee. I was tired of the kids running down the hall. Normally we'd say, "Don't Run." What do you hear? Normally you would hear the word Run. I tried this when getting the kids to walk instead of running down the hall. I changed my saying to "Remember to walk." What did they hear? They heard walk, and each time I said it that specific way, I would get the desired results. See the difference?

Think of it this way: Christmas is around the corner, or your Birthday, and you are trying to figure out what you want. Some of you know how to do this very well. You make a list of what you desire and want. Some of us only know what we don't want. I don't want a MP3 player. I don't care what you get me. What do you see? I see a lot of I don'ts. Are you worthy enough for a present, or are you worthless, and always down and out. What we think, what we want provides us with the notion that we are worthy, and we are wonderful.

Think about what you want. If you want more clients then you will need to say, "I am happy that I have clients coming to me easily." "I want our people to be prepared when they come to work." These are just a few here below will be more examples.

Negative Language
We speak to our friends in negative language. "How are you doing?" "Not bad." Not and bad are negative words, and this is an example of two negatives in a single sentence. How about the following examples, how many of those have you used in your work or with friends and family? These are a few examples of negativity. We use them entirely too much. This provides us to believe that we are victims, unworthy, and down in the mouth. We don't deserve anything positive.

Below are some examples of the words that we use often and need to remove from our vocabulary.

Examples
We regret to inform you...
Shouldn't we have done...
You forgot to include...
I fail or we fail to understand...
I overlooked or you over looked...
We or I am at a loss...
You should...
You ought...
You must...
We insist...
You lacked information...
No, I don't remember...
Did you forget...
We cannot, or I can't, or we can't...
We won't, I won't or I would haven't...
Me bad...(This is new, and it says to your subconscious you are nothing.)

How many of those kinds of phrases have you used in either written correspondence or through speech? I imagine that many of you have used such types of phrases and language with your communications. None of these phrases stress any positive things that can be done to remedy the problem or enhance the situation. Typically we know how to complain and state what we don't want, don't like or what is lacking.

I'll try to get the report done by Friday.
I will get this finished by Friday.

I could never do that.
I haven't done that yet, but I bet I can.

I've got so many problems; I don't know where to start.
I have many challenges; I must find a starting place.

It's impossible, it just can't be done.
I am curious to see if this can be done, let's get started.

I can never do anything right.
I choose to make myself better.

How to Change Your language
One of the things that you will need to do is to actively pay attention to your words, and how you use them. Also listening to tone and intonation we use when we speak. The more positive approach to language we use, the better chances are that we will become more prosperous, more positive, a better work environment, and overall better communication among friends and family.

Choose to capture anything negative and delete or replace it with a more positive word, a better tone and intonation. Keep practicing this process until you get to the point that you begin to filter out the negative before you speak or write. It's difficult at first, but once you start seeing the results you will be more interested in keeping up the practice.

Delete those words that give you a negative feeling. If you have to write down some things that you have noticed yourself saying, and then rewrite that statement using positive language. Recall words that promote, and trigger positive feelings. Use these words daily, weekly, with co-workers, friends, and family. The time to start is now. If you don't change your language then you are creating a situation that does not promote change. Take action and place these ideas and words in motion.

Attitude
Attitude is not everything. Attitude is essential. In order to help bring about a better attitude and attract people with better attitudes then change your language. What are your first thoughts when you wake up in the morning? Do you drag yourself out of bed? Do you jump out and embrace the morning? I know a secret, if you embrace your day even if you don't like what you are doing, your day will be better. Think about this: Nearly 90% of our language is negative in our conversations. We, Americans, specifically tend to try to "one up" another person's negative situation.

Conclusion
Choosing our words carefully is very important to obtaining what you want and desire. Negative language conveys a poor image of ourselves, our workers, and our friends and family. Whether the language is written or spoken in our communications choose positive words, and positive phrases. You will begin to bring about abundance, success, and you will begin to feel good about yourself.

Make a decision right now this very minute, to spend the rest of today engaging in positive conversations. This means that you will catch yourself before you say a negative word, or when you do, you immediately change the word. Tell people the reason why you changed the word. Negativity breeds negativity. We reap what we sow. Use the universal law of reciprocity for a positive change in your life every day, and every moment.

About Carrie Fleharty
Carrie Fleharty by day is a mild mannered school librarian, but at night she's a word junkie. She is becoming a Personal Life coach. She is a writer of poetry, articles, essays, and stories. She keeps refining her craft through workshops and classes so that will produce something enjoyable and good. She enjoys and embraces change and sees it as a way to improve herself. She intends to keep improving her life, and keeps challenging herself to become a better person. She thoroughly enjoys expressing herself through the written word. And has written two books "Changes and Shifts: a Personal Journey" and "A Poet's Mind and Soul."
Her hobbies are bicycling, writing along with reading, listening to music, watching movies, hiking, bird watching, and being outdoors. She has two Boston Terriers and two adorable adopted cats.

Her soul ignites through spiritual fire. She understands that the right spark can take a person to new meanings and new beginnings through a deeper sense of self. She is a seeker; she seeks Truth, the Devine, Spirituality, and Love. She believes that a spark will flame up to spread Truth. This Truth will be made known to all who seek.

Carrie is in the process of becoming a Personal Life coach. She is able and willing to lend a helping hand so that you will achieve your goals. These goals could include anything personal, health, financial, career or spiritual goals. After all "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure." A Return to Love: Reflections on a Course in Miracles by Marianne Williamson. Sometimes all it takes is a helping hand.

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