Balancing Responsibility for Self and Others

by Gini Grey

The word responsible conjures up all sorts of serious images for me. Being grown up, paying bills, working hard and basically having very little fun. Who wants that? Some days I just want to go back to being a child when the word responsible meant others taking care of me and the only thing I had to worry about was which toy to play with next. When I'm having one of those regression fantasy days, I know I'm getting out of balance with responsibility. In the midst of taking care of business - mine and everyone else's - I've forgotten to take care of me.

It's easy to judge people who seem irresponsible with their lives, yet people who are being over-responsible by taking care of everyone else's needs first (whether they want it or not), are just as irresponsible with themselves. If you're busy taking care of the world, who's taking care of you? If you put all your energy into your job, your family, your friends, your community and everyone else's problems, what energy do you have left over for yourself? And in the end, what can you really offer your job, your friends, your family and your community if you're constantly overspent?

There's a strong message in our society that it's important to give to others first - it's selfish to think of yourself first. This message is as old as the "life is a struggle" and "it's not worth having if it wasn't hard work to get" messages we still carry around in the back of our heads. Not only are these messages outdated, but they're not true.

If we don't take time for ourselves, even for the little things like taking a walk in the park to enjoy the smell of the fresh air and the beauty of the trees, or snuggling up on a couch to read a good book, or getting lost in a hobby or creative project, we end up feeling overwhelmed, pressured and frazzled. We start to wonder what life is all about. Yet when we slow down long enough to take our attention away from the externals and refocus on ourselves and what we want, life starts to make sense again.

Ask yourself these questions about responsibility in order to gain insights:

* Where are you taking on more than your share of responsibility?

* What are the motives and payoffs for this? (i.e. do you get to feel important, do you feel guilty if you don't, do you enjoy playing the martyr role, are you under the false assumption that no one can do it as good as you or it won't get done otherwise - remember, all voids get filled one way or another if you give it a chance.

* What would you have to let go of to shift this? What would you have to embrace?

* What areas of your life are you being self-responsible for (i.e. taking good care of yourself)? Congratulate yourself!

* What areas of your life are you not being self-responsible (i.e. what parts of yourself or your life need some attention)?

* What would you have to say no to in order to give more to yourself? What would you need to say yes to?

Try these inspiring ideas to balance your responsibility:

* Check in with yourself now and ask, "what do I need most for myself right now?" See if you can find a way to give that to yourself.

* The next time you are tempted to go down that slippery slope of over-responsibility for others or under-responsibility for self, take a moment of silence to turn inward and ask yourself "Do I really want to do this? Does it honor me? What do I really want to do" If you're mind gets in the way with rationalizations, put your hand over your heart and ask again.

* Try brainstorming a list of fun and nurturing things you could do for yourself over the next week and make a commitment to some of them by writing them down in your day-timer or on post-it-notes. Notice how much better you feel (and less resentful towards all those people and projects you've been blaming for zapping all your energy) after a week of putting yourself first.

About Gini Grey
Gini Grey, founder of Celebrate YourSelf, is a Transformational Coach utlizing a powerful blend of coaching, counseling and spiritual energy awareness tools to guide people to live from their center and create the life they want. Gini is the author of the book "From Chaos to Calm: How to Shift Unhealthy Stress Patterns and Create Your Ideal Balance in Life" and the audo CD "Create What You Want in Your Life". For more information or articles, visit www.ginigrey.com.

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